St. Louis Cardinals: Dan Haren tells all on Twitter

Gene J. Puskar/Associated Press
Gene J. Puskar/Associated Press /

Most athletes are told to stay off Twitter because their 140 character beats will ruin their reputations. This former St. Louis Cardinals’ pitcher proved otherwise.

Thank goodness for Dan Haren.

The newly retired and former St. Louis Cardinals pitcher took to Twitter while he was on an exercise bike and unleashed an array of tweets about small tidbits from his pitching career.

He didn’t just thank other players or go bland salad dressing on his followers. He got blunt, comical and produced quite a few chuckles and smirks. Here is a sampling.

Haren didn’t throw particularly hard so this makes perfect sense. He gave up an average of 27 home runs per 162 games in his career.

This has to enter a player’s mind right. Lots of air time inside a metal vessel. We are Marshall can’t be far from player thoughts right?

Classic Carp probably barked at Haren and his tiny patch of facial hair as he ran around the bases. Or Chris shouted into the hot air at Brendan Ryan, who may or may not have been on the field.

Pitcher wins are so valuable, right? The answer is no. If a team scores 12 runs and you go 5 innings, guess what…the win is yours. Stop this argument.

Imodium, in case you didn’t know, helps with diarrhea. Again, one of those things fans always think about. What if this guy has to take a #2? What do you do? Hold it. What if you walk people and its a long inning? Thanks for clearing this up, Dan.

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Again, the man gave up 305 home runs in over 2,400 innings in his career. Not a terribly high amount but ensured 1-2 long balls per start.

At least they didn’t hurt because they usually landed around 88 mph? Some things you just can’t resist.

True story time. I was once confused with Haren by a random fan after a game in 2004, Haren’s last in St. Louis. I worked the Manual Scoreboard back then and was kneeling down to tie my shoes when a fan walked up to me and said, “Great game today, Mr. Haren.”

Since this doesn’t happen every year, I soaked it up and said thanks. I refused to sign anything and I am not sure why. My friend P.J. resisted the urge to crack up before the short conversation ended. Full disclosure: I had better facial hair than Haren.

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Haren pitched for eight teams in his 13 year career, which ended with the Chicago Cubs last year. He was a three time All Star and finished with a fine 3.78 fielding independent pitching mark and 1.18 WHIP. Numbers that won’t get him in the Hall of Fame but deserves some respect at the end of the day.

What will be remembered is this legendary Twitter full disclosure. Thanks Dan.