Four "bolder" predictions for the St. Louis Cardinals in 2024

This is entirely satire and meant for comedic purposes. None of these are realistic predictions. Happy April Fools!
St. Louis Cardinals v Los Angeles Dodgers
St. Louis Cardinals v Los Angeles Dodgers / Kevork Djansezian/GettyImages
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2 - Alec Burleson steals 40 bases

Alec Burleson isn't known for his speed, but he's sneakily becoming a candidate to lead the National League in stolen bases. This Spring, he made an effort to improve his running game and wasn't caught stealing a single time. So far, he hasn't made any attempts to steal in 2024, but if Burleson becomes more aggressive, he could easily reach the 40 mark.

With the new rule changes and the bases enlarged, all Burleson needs to do is try for more stolen bases. Since he has a 100% success rate this year, all he needs to do is get on first and sprint for second the moment the pitcher lifts his leg. Perhaps he'll get some inspiration from his new teammate Victor Scott II. If Burleson develops Scott's aggressiveness, he'll easily reach 40. Perhaps he'll even make a run at Rickey Henderson's all-time record.

3 - Lance Lynn records an ERA under 2.50

Even though the signing was doubted by all the haters, Lance Lynn is back to prove that he still has what it takes to be a Cy Young candidate in 2024. He was signed to a 1-year $10 million contract, an absolute steal for St. Louis. It's sure great that Bill DeWitt didn't allow the Cardinals to sign any of the other "top pitchers" on the market since Lance Lynn was definitely the best option.

So far this season, Lynn has a 0.00 ERA and completely diced up the Dodgers' batters with no trouble at all. In fact, the Dodgers were so scared of Lance Lynn that they forced an unnecessary rain delay so the Cardinals would need to remove him. It was a cheap trick by the Dodgers, but they lost the game anyway.

However, it's only been one start and only an idiot would use small sample sizes to draw conclusions on the overall season. So, let's look at FIP, the best metric for measuring a pitcher's future success. Since Lance Lynn has an FIP of 1.89, it's clear that his ERA will be far below 2.50 for the rest of the year.