Assigning ‘Simpsons’ characters to 12 St. Louis Cardinals

Adam Wainwright: Troy McClure

Adam Wainwright‘s second act of his career has been a sight for sore eyes. Once believed to be washed up, Wainwright has reinvented himself, changing his arsenal to suit the modern era. Troy McClure is an actor whose career peaked in the 1970s, and he’s barely made ends meet until the season 7 episode “A Fish Called Selma,” where McClure marries Selma Bouvier. With the marriage sparking his publicity, McClure finds himself starring in “Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off” and receiving several other big-ticket offers.

Wainwright is a fan favorite and a true Cardinal for life, and his devotion can be equated with McClure’s dedication to the film industry, as McClure continued searching for roles even after being out of work for 12 years. Fans’ perceptions of McClure changed in the same way they did with Wainwright, as frequent calls for his retirement have mostly been silenced, and his final year will be one to celebrate as he goes out with a bang rather than a whimper.

Jordan Hicks: Lenny Leonard

What is there to make out of Jordan Hicks? He has a spotty history with injuries, and while he routinely threw the fastest pitches in baseball when he was healthy, it’s hard to say what’s left of him after all the health maladies.

Lenny’s living situation, like Hicks’ health, is inconsistent. Lenny has been shown living in a dilapidated house, and he has been shown living in an upscale apartment. Lenny is also apparently quite good at his job, as he was once promoted to Mr. Burns’ role as head of the power plant. Hicks can also excel on the mound when healthy, but the Cardinals are toying with giving him a new role as well, in Hicks’ case, as a starter.

Like Hicks’ right arm, Lenny has a sensitive area as well: his eye. He has stated in separate episodes that he isn’t supposed to get pudding or jigs in it. When Hicks is on, he can be unstoppable; it’s just a question of how often that will be and whether putting him in the rotation is really the adept move. In Lenny’s case, his overseeing of the power plant led to a “reign of terror.”

I love “The Simpsons,” and I love the St. Louis Cardinals. I couldn’t think of a better way to pay homage to “Homer at the Bat” than by writing this. Some of the character comparisons are a stretch; I freely admit that. I hope you take this all in good fun, just as I did.