Assigning ‘Simpsons’ characters to 12 St. Louis Cardinals

Jack Flaherty: Superintendent Chalmers

Jack Flaherty seems to be the no-nonsense ace of the team, excelling on the mound when healthy and standing up for social justice movements, including the Black Lives Matter movement. Superintendent Chalmers is a man who seems like a fish out of water in Springfield, and he’d likely be happier in a more structured environment. Flaherty has frequently mentioned his hometown of Los Angeles, where he would seem to fit the social environment better than he does in St. Louis.

When Chalmers does his job, such as school inspections, he does it well for the most part, and Flaherty’s stuff is unmatched in the Cardinals’ rotation. His willingness to sign a contract extension is a big question, and Chalmers’ dedication to his job is questionable at times when it comes to hiring, firing and promoting people. In season 5’s “Sweet Seymour Skinner’s Baadasssss Song,” Chalmers simply says that Principal Skinner “really bugged me” when Bart mentions Skinner’s dismissal.

Chalmers is one of the few people in Springfield who can see it for the mess it is, and like Chalmers, Flaherty isn’t afraid to speak his mind about issues in the community.

Edmundo Sosa: Dr. Nick Riviera

Dr. Nick Riviera is a cheaper alternative to Dr. Hibbert. Edmundo Sosa is a cheap, speedy shortstop who took the place of DeJong as the starter last season. In season 4’s “Homer’s Triple Bypass,” Dr. Nick offers to perform any operation for $129.95, so the Simpson family turns to him out of desperation for Homer’s quadruple bypass surgery.

Is Dr. Nick really a doctor, though? It’s questionable, and the same can be said about whether Sosa is a legitimate starter for the Cardinals. His aggressive approach at the plate and unwillingness to take a walk can easily be exploited if he doesn’t tone it down.

Dr. Nick is able to successfully perform open-heart surgery on Homer with the help of Lisa Simpson, but I wouldn’t count on a repeat of Nick doing surgery successfully himself, and I don’t think Sosa will flourish if he maintains the same approach as last year.