You’d look good in red: Scouting free agents in the LCS

Juan Uribe, IF

Juan Uribe is the kind of player the Cardinals need on their roster. Psych! Credit: Brett Davis-USA TODAY Sports

Wait, what? How did this guy get on this list? For years, Uribe has traded on his long-dormant clutch postseason hitting and the fact that he is “good for the Latino players in the clubhouse.” What the @#$%! does that mean? When he was in L.A., perpetual underachiever Hanley Ramirez used to prank him constantly. Then fellow Dodger underachiever Yasiel Puig would lose hundreds (maybe thousands?) of dollars to Uribe in games of dominos.

So that makes him a good clubhouse guy for the Latino players? Sure. He was a negative WAR player before the Dodgers finally traded him this year. They can have him back for all I care. Next …