St. Louis Cardinals: Mozeliak versus THEO The Magnificent

Nov 8, 2016; Scottsdale, AZ, USA; St. Louis Cardinals general manager John Mozeliak during the MLB general managers meeting at the Omni Scottsdale Resort. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports
Nov 8, 2016; Scottsdale, AZ, USA; St. Louis Cardinals general manager John Mozeliak during the MLB general managers meeting at the Omni Scottsdale Resort. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports /
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The Good Guys won 2-0 yesterday. The plague of pissed-off-itis that gripped St. Louis Cardinals fandom for the past week abated… a tiny bit. Heading to “the friendly confines” for the weekend, t’will be Mozeliak’s Redbirds versus The World Champs of THEO The Magnificent (TTM)…

I had a spirited on-line dialogue with “FlyBoy” yesterday. A passionate St. Louis Cardinals fan who is either a pilot… or a scientific experiment gone wrong from a 1986 movie starring Jeff Goldblum. BTW, I LOVE on-line reader comment sessions with “you people.”

“FlyBoy” is, like more than some of you, not a fan of Cardinals’ GM John Mozeliak, a.k.a “Moz.” Pro sports’ General Managers are like major college Athletic Directors. EVERY fan is sure he (or she) could do their jobs better than they do it and, in a fair world, would have that opportunity. But alas…

If you finished in the top five in your neighborhood bar’s fantasy league you have the natural acumen to wheel and deal and assemble a roster of superheroes capable of mastering the universe.

You take a LOT of some rich old white guy’s ill-gotten capitalist plunder and go get Mike Trout, Bryce Harper, Clayton Kershaw, Nolan Arenado. Add Anthony Rizzo & Kris Bryant and VOILA! You are MLB Executive of The Century and Lauren Shehadi is flirting with YOU on MLB Central.

Of all the teams in all the leagues in all the world… Why did THEO (Epstein) The Magnificent (TTM) have to go with The Hated Cubs? Why God Why?

When THEO did his “Theo Thing” the first time it was in some obscure New England town. Who cares. Then he came to The North Side and that dump named for a chewing gum and did his “THEO Thing” AGAIN.

Our St. Louis Cardinals have ELEVEN World Championships… ELEVEN! Only The Yankees have more. Yet all anyone wants to talk about is THEO The Magnificent Wunderkin.

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What about Enos Slaughter’s mad dash in 1946… or David Freese in Game Six? The stoopid Indians shoulda beat THEO.

THEO is (1) young and (2) handsome, with (3) a Hallmark card family, (4) two rings, (5) a Juggernaut roster of young handsome Dudley Do-Rights with perfect teeth, and (6) a manager everyone loves named “Joe.” Yeah, but other than that… what?

All St. Louis has is some jamoke named Mozeliak. What kind of name is Mozeliak? He sits behind a window in the Busch press box surfing the Internet for goobers named Brett Cecil. Grrrrr… grumble grumble.

Sure “Moz” brought in Jedd Gyorko and Mike Leake and  Seung-hwan Oh. But all fans give him “credit” for is the dreaded Brett Cecil because… St. Louis Cardinals fans have an inalienable right to manipulate reality however they choose. When fans get down on a sports executive they NEVER let up.  Another “unwritten  rule.”

WE WANT A THEO! … so do twenty-eight other MLB ball clubs.

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