When you are a member of a multi person writing staff, all of whom are essentially writing about the same subject matter, it sometimes becomes difficult to come up with a topic on which to post. This is the dilemma I am facing at the moment. Every news item about the Cardinals has been covered ad nauseum. So what topic do I choose?
Given that I am female, one topic that I know is of interest somewhat to most of my gender is the attractiveness of players. Seeing as how I am pretty old, I feel a little creepy talking about the physical beauty (or lack thereof) of men young enough to be my children. On the other hand, my age may make me less likely to be perceived as a groupie or a stalker. I believe “cleat chaser”is the modern vernacular. So, I am going to attempt the thing, in good taste of course, for the benefit of those of my readers who may be interested in my take.
If I were to be asked the question of who I thought was the most attractive Cardinal player, I would have to say Adam Wainwright. Adam has a dazzling smile and a personality that just gets to you. Personable, funny, and down to earth, as well as handsome, he is the total package. I’m sure Mrs. Wainwright would agree. Being a fantastic pitcher, however, is what is most attractive to me.
Next on my list, though he is absent from the team, is Chris Carpenter. His personality is completely different from Adam’s, but he is attractive in the sense that he oozes sex appeal. Dark, temperamental, as well as good-looking, Chris kind of epitomizes the bad boy without being actually bad. Testosterone on a rampage if you will.
Some may disagree with my next choice, as he doesn’t really have the striking good looks of Wainwright or the sex appeal of Chris Carpenter. But he is a Carpenter, and he does have appeal. Of course I am talking about Matt Carpenter. Some have said Matt reminds them of hitting coach John Mabry. Maybe in some sense he does, but I don’t think so in the looks department. Don’t get me wrong, I like Mabry very much, but he wouldn’t make my list. Matt reminds me of a young Robert DeNiro. I don’t know if Matt has any Italian ancestry, but I can imagine him wooing his lady love with flowers and music, or taking her for a gondola ride in Venice.
Fourth on my list is Jaime Garcia. Yes, he may be a little quirky, but quirky can be fun, and he definitely meets my definition of physically attractive. I will, however, refrain from the Team Fredbird Girl jokes, as I said I would keep it in good taste. Besides, I wouldn’t want to encroach on the territory of our resident jokester, Matt Sebek. Jaime is handsome AND single, for those of you who are young enough to appreciate that fact.
My final spot is a tie between David Freese and Matt Holliday. I am aware that all of the “Mrs Freese’s” out there on Twitter may take exception to him being down on my list, but we all have our own unique taste. David is cute and funny and charming, which is why he made the list, but if I were 30 years younger, he would not make my heart go pitter patter. Matt Holliday on the other hand would, but he doesn’t make the top of the list for two reasons: baldness and bulkiness. I prefer a little more hair and a little less muscle. I am just weird that way.
Now, I am sure some are wondering why Mike Matheny is not on this list. It’s simple, this list is about players. On my list of managers, Mike would be right at the top. FWIW, I also think Robin Ventura is rather nice looking. Mike is handsome, sexy, and has a nice voice. He is also not young enough to be my son, which is really no consolation, as he is married, and I wouldn’t stand a chance regardless.
So there it is ladies (and maybe some gents). Sometimes when you have to post something you just have to wing it. It is about baseball, just not about, you know, playing baseball.